Homer Simpson in Cocky Pagan Protest

Homer Simpson is a particular hero of mine - I can identify with the tubby, yellow dude's constantly thwarted desire for a quiet life. Unfortunately, it seems that a stunt designed to promote the new Simpsons movie might have got him in a spot of bother with a bunch of Pagans - all together now... "DOH!"

A huge cartoon image of Homer, painted next to the famous Cerne Abbas giant - a chalk outline of a enormous, sexually aroused man carved into a Dorset hillside - has infuriated local Pagans, who view the Cocky One as a fertility symbol. They have vowed to do some "rain magic" to wash the equally enormous, donut wielding Homer Simpson from the hillside.

Rain magic, eh? Far be it form me to pour cold water on such a notion, but it might be worth their while to check the weather forecast for Dorset before they go to too much trouble. According to the BBC, it's going to pour down in that neck of the woods on Friday and Saturday.

It looks to me as though the giant Homer Simpson, which is made of bio-degradable, water-based paint, and will wash away in the first serious downpour, has a very limited future. See? No need to resort to hocus pocus. After all, this is England in the middle of July - anyone with any common sense whatsoever knows that it's bound to bucket down. Then again, we are talking about folks who plan to do some magic - perhaps common sense is too much to ask for.

Unless, of course, they've already done their thing and the weekend forecast is the result. Hmmm, if so, I can think of a few African countries that could really do with their services. Volunteers, anyone?

Billy Seggars.