Monday, 12 November 2007

Think Thin

According to the Sun, "Curvy women are brighter than skinny girls". And it must be true, because scientists at Pittsburgh and California Universities say it is.

Apparently, they studied 16,000 women to reach their results. Actually, I suspect this to have been a cunning wheeze - it's probably the only way a propeller-headed researcher could get near even one woman, let alone 16,000 of them!

Like all such pointless research, it occurs to me that there's probably a grain of truth in the findings, but, as usual, the boffins have completely missed the point.

To get at it, let's perform a simple thought experiment. We will assume that the results of the intelligence tests performed by the boffins are accurate - scrawny wenches really do worse than their more realistically proportioned sisters in a brain workout.

Now, clear your mind and think of any really skinny girls that you might happen to know. How many of them are, not to put too fine a point on it, bimbos? And how many of them are constantly on a diet, in their quest for the all-important size zero figure? How many have a microscopic vocabulary, and a range of conversation that revolves entirely around fashion, gossip, boyfriends and, yes, their latest diet? If you ask them about current affairs, do they automatically talk about their most recent sexual escapades rather than world events? If you stood them next to a grapefruit, which would appear smarter?

The vast majority of toast-rack-alike women could match that description - they're thicker than the average plank, and they're on a constant succession of diets.

It doesn't stretch credibility too far to conclude that they do not become stupid as a result of being thin. Rather, it is the naturally stupid woman who diets her way to oblivion in the interests of vanity, while smarter women retain a more realistic figure - which, ironically, most men prefer.

Isn't nature wonderful? Stupid women diet to make themselves thin with a view to finding a mate, but smart women know men are pre-programmed to prefer a curvy figure. Thus, bimbos are effectively shepherded out of the gene-pool, ensuring that future generations are reasonably smart and not too physically puny. Obviously, the method isn't perfect, since the boffins who conducted the original research weren't smart enough to figure this out, but at least mother nature is working on it.

I look forward to the day when all woman-kind is acceptably curvy and capable of carrying on a conversation that doesn't include even one mention of diets or fashion.

Billy Seggars.

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