Tuesday 25 March 2008

Slow and Stop

Yesterday's loony news from the British Government was that shops may be forced to remove displays of tobacco products and sell them from under the counter like some kind of illicit material best bought under plain cover from a seedy shop on a dingy back street. Madness, but, perhaps, not quite as mad as today's gem!

For, according to the Telegraph, proposed new "eco-towns" will impose a speed limit of just 15mph. Now I'm no mechanic, but isn't it the case that crawling along at 15mph produces MORE pollution than zipping down the motorway? Could be wrong about that, but I kinda gathered that was the point behind all those barmy car-sharing schemes etc. Clearly, the Minister involved (Caroline Flint) hasn't heard of that! Or maybe she's just figured out that Global Warming is little more than a giant (tax-productive) scam on behalf of the polar-bear hugging fraternity.

Either way, much as I think this scheme is unworkable and, in fact, utterly insane, I believe it has an unintended advantage. Think about it - these "eco-towns" will be honeypots for all of those mental enviroists. Folks who think recycling everything in sight is their public duty, second only to forcing the rest of us to worship the trees along with them, will flock to these places in their droves. And, at at top speed of 15mph, they won't be leaving them any time soon! Hurrah!

There are a whole bunch of comments on the Telegraph's article, many of which express common sense views on this subject far more eloquently than I ever could. But I commend this particular comment, made by someone going by the name of Thought Police to everyone's attention - it's just so, so true:

NOTICE

The Ministry Of Liberty reminds all citizens that preventative measures provided in law to enhance State Control and eliminate Unnecessary Thought are for the benefit & protection of all Comrades equally and to Save The Planet.

ACCORDINGLY, Citizens should be advised that appropriate measures for the further enhancement of your personal protection are scheduled. These include, but are not limited to DNA, Fingerprint & National Identification Databases and Individual Identification Papers for use by the authorities. Children's fingerprints will be data-based within five years. All Fingerprints will be recorded at points of departure beginning immediately with LHR Terminal 5 and selected termini, spreading to all points of departure in the near future.

Effective immediately, Required State-Approved Personal Advice, for your protection, health & safety will be aired on TV & Radio and seen in the Printed Media

NO SMOKING. NO DRINKING. NO PUBLIC HOUSES. NO EATING. NO SOCIAL CONTACT. NO OPPOSITION. NO FREE PRESS. NO THINKING. NO HUNTING. NO FISHING. NO DRIVING. NO BARbCUES. NO PATIO HEATING. NO FIRES. NO CARBON. NO FLYING. NO BORROWING. NO LENDING. NO MORTGAGES. NO TAX RELIEF. NO VOTING ON EUROPE. NO SPEAKING. NO DISSENT. NO PROTESTING OUTSIDE PARLIAMENT.

Citizens should standby for further announcements.

By Order

Posted by THOUGHT POLICE on March 25, 2008 6:08 PM

Well said TP, whoever you are!

Billy Seggars.

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