Political Dictionary

Have you ever felt that politicians might be speaking a foreign language? Or noticed that, while you may understand each individual word they utter, their sentences remain entirely incomprehensible?

It seems you're not alone. According to the Daily Mail, the 2008 Lexicon from the Centre for Policy Studies lists more than 100 words and phrases commonly used by politicians, plus translation. Examples include "Fast track," meaning "not allowing Parliament sufficient time to consider the implications of new legislation" and "guidance" which can be interpreted as "government interference".

No surprises there, of course - if a politician's lips are moving, you KNOW they're lying - but this volume might be useful in working who they're lying to, and what they're lying about. Oh, no, sorry - that would be everyone, about everything, wouldn't it?

Still, as apparently superfluous as it might appear to be, I suspect that the real benefit of this little gem is as a sign of growing public disillusionment with the politics in general, and Gordon Brown-Trousers in particular. I mean, who'd be all that keen of a lying, devious, cowardly government that cares only for self-preservation?

Very few people, I suspect, which probably explains why so many people want Gordon Brown-Trousers out of office NOW - though how the Daily Mail can realistically call this a "poll shock" I have no idea. Most voters have been dying to see the back of Brown more or less since he muscled his way into power, and the fact a new poll shows the majority of people think its time for a change can hardly come as any great surprise, even to the Nu-Labour ostritches who still think they're popular.

Of course, the past few weeks have been pretty dire for Gordon Brown-Trousers and his incompetent, self-serving bunch of power-mad ministers. But what can he - or they - do about it? The obvious approach is simply to raise their game, and try to act as though they have a clue about how to run a country. Or anything.

Unfortunately, they haven't got a clue, and they don't have time to learn, even if they were capable of doing so. So what's next? Mass resignations would probably be the honorable thing to do, so we can discount that course of action for obvious reasons. The only thing left if is deception - spin and lies and abuse of power in order for Nu-Lab to save its skin. What a stroke of luck - that's right up their alley! They have over a decade's experience, and an army of drones just waiting to tell us all how to think.

So there you have it. Expect to see the media awash with pro-Brownite stories, a few carefully rigged polls showing how 9 out of 10 dentists prefer Prime Ministers who suck their own teeth and a general insistence that everything in the garden is wonderful. It's not, and it's going to get worse, but that won't be considered appropriate news any day now.

Unfortunately, unlike the Blair years, the media is no longer prepared to dance to New Labour's tune. Decoy stories that fill column inches (did they really think we didn't notice) but don't actually mean anything are no long enough to save an embattled minister from a public roasting in the press, and I very much hope that many more members of the Government are due for some very public humiliation in the coming weeks!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all but the Brown-Trousers Brigade!

Billy Seggars.