Blown Away

Wind turbines are becoming an increasingly familiar sight in this formerly green and pleasant land, filling the gaps between motorways and power distribution pylons like anorexic windmills - a high-tec throwback to the days of Windy Miller.

They're tall (obviously), ugly, noisy if you're unlucky enough to live close enough to one to hear the blades cutting through the air, and are generally an all-round blight upon the British countryside. And now it seems that, on top of all these problems, they're flimsy too.

According to the Sun, a huge propeller broke off a 190ft wind turbine sited close to a major motorway, triggering safety fears - and red faces when it was found to have been damaged by... the WIND. It's mind blowing, isn't it?

Minds at Sheffield University (who own the out-of-puff gizmo) and the Government (who plan to spend £100 billion on 7000 of the towering monstrosities by 2020) certainly seem to be in a spin if they really think wind turbines are going to provide one third of Britain's electricity by then. Even if they can master the task of building wind-proof wind turbines by then (and, given the state of our education system, I wouldn't bet on that!) the system is simply too capricious to be reliable.

The whole idea, appealing as it may sound, is more hot air than hot prospect, and I fully expect Britain to be paying the price for this mental enviroist folly long after Gordon Brown-Trousers has been unceremoniously bundled out of Downing St.

Billy Seggars.

Running On Empty

There's some grim news for motorists in the press this morning. According to the Telegraph, "Petrol prices to rise after head of OPEC warns of sharp fuel hike."

The article goes on to suggest the price of diesel could reach £1.47 per litre, with unleaded not far behind at £1.32 per litre. At those prices, it could cost between £70 and £100 to fill up the tank in a reasonably sized car.

No doubt the mental enviroists are clapping their hands, but for those of us with even the most tenuous grip on reality this cannot be encouraging. And for the accident - nay, disaster - prone Government of Gordon Brown-Trousers and his bumbling sidekicks, who have ably demonstrated their total inability to do anything whatsoever about this inconvenient situation, it's just another nail in their coffin.

Only a few days ago, a survey found that the public blame the Government for the petrol pain they are feeling, and the majority of them are more than willing to vote the red men out of power if they don't fix the problem - pronto. Unfortunately, there's very little our attempted Government can do apart from dither over proposed fuel tax increases. They know very well that if they don't impose the planned duties they will appear weak, but if they go ahead and add to the public's misery they will be even less likely to even keep their deposits at the next election. Goodness, it's tough at the top, eh?

No wonder almost two thirds of the population now think Gordon Brown-Trousers is a liability, according to this poll in the Telegraph - that's hardly a surprise, now, is it? He's been a liability for years, long before he became PM, it's just that Blair was better at keeping the lid on things. Without his gleaming grin, the wheels - already wobbling alarmingly - have fallen off the New Labour bandwagon, and the shambles that has been the British Government since 1997 is laid bare for all to see.

Of course, things are only going to get worse. Rising fuel prices mean that other goods will inevitably cost more, squeezing the pound in our pockets even more and putting pressure of pay deals. Already, a summer of industrial action seems almost inevitable, and that will have its own knock-on effects, both in real terms and in terms of public confidence and morale.

Right now, things are not too bad - they could be better, but they're not dire. After months of rising prices, inflation and, inevitably, interest rates they will quickly become dire, and then bloody awful in very short order. Reassurance, and a boost in public confidence, would probably go a long way towards preventing this long term damage, and that would best be achieved - in the public's mind, at least - by a change in Government.

If Gord were to call an election tomorrow he would be soundly defeated, but the country would probably benefit from his humiliation. It's one of those "f0r the good of the many" situations - but I don't see Gordon Brown-Trousers limbering up to do the decent thing. Just goes to show what's on his mind, doesn't it? Power, self-interest and political survival. Makes a change, eh?

Billy Seggars.

Hole In None

Good news! According to the Daily Mail, physicists near Geneva are not at risk of sucking the Earth into a black hole when they try to reproduce a mini version of the Big Bang.

I've no doubt this announcement will come as a very great relief to everyone who's been following the Large Hadron Collider story for months, waiting in fear and dread, dying to know if we're all going to die weirdly in the name of pure research.

And, for those intellectual microbes who've never heard of the LHC, and have no idea what it does, where it is or why it's there, the news will probably be even more Earth shattering - though not as Earth shattering as the black hole would have been.

Showers of toast and coffee are probably erupting onto breakfast tables all over England as Daily Mail readers get to grips with the idea that those damn Europeans are messing around with some really, REALLY big science - and didn't even bother to ask Middle England for permission first!

It's the sort of thing that spawns letters to the Editor, for sure. But, apart from sneering at those who have never, until today, even considered the possibility that some mad scientist somewhere might actually cause the entire planet to fall into a black hole, there is a serious point to this rant.

Although the LHC has been declared safe - though how anyone can say that for sure beats me - it's fairly obvious that some other experiment, on a similar or larger scale, could, theoretically, cause some very nasty side effects. The question is, what should we do about it?

In an ideal world, the boffins in question would make some kind of announcement in the more respectable media - tabloids of all kinds could be ignored, since the chances of their readers actually understanding the announcement, or the explanation of same, are vanishingly small - thereby giving us a chance to comment, object, or vacate the planet.

In reality, though, that's not likely to happen. Commercial pressures, academic competition and the realisation that even broadsheet readers struggle to appreciate the finer points of raw, cutting edge research, will encourage secrecy. Enraged screams of "You want to do WHAT to the planet??" make it so hard to concentrate, and there's very little point in trying to explain things anyway - Joe Public has an infuriating habit of getting hold of half an idea (usually the wrong half) and then incorrectly applying it to something totally unrelated.

And so the opportunity for an open and honest exchange of ideas, leading to rapid advances in the field(s) under investigation, will be lost for the age old reason that folks who don't understand the science will do their level best to prevent anyone else from understanding it either. Of necessity, research will go underground, or, at least, will continue not to be mainstream news, until the day that some oddball experiment really does cause the Earth to undergo a sudden, unanticipated total existence malfunction.

When it happens it will be quick, and there will be very little chance for enraged Luddites to write to their local papers. But they might, if they are lucky, have time to wonder whether this might have been avoided if only they'd bothered to pay attention in GCSE Science.

Billy Seggars.

Polls Apart

Ho, hum. Another weekend, another poll showing how far Prime Minister Gordon Brown-Trousers has fallen from favour. This time it's the Daily Mail's turn to gleefully report: "Catastrophic slump in Gordon Brown's popularity sees Cameron storm ahead in polls."

The findings - which I can't be bothered to reproduce in detail here - are the result of a rerun poll that was first carried out last year. Now, on the anniversary of Gordon Brown-Trousers' first year in office, they show just how far public opinion has turned against the PM - to the extent that many people would rather see Tony Blair back in Downing St.

Much as that must both infuriate the PM and stroke Tone's ego, it's not likely to happen any time soon. Which presumably explains why Crazy Cameron is doing so well - he is, after all, just a cardboard cutout Tory Blair-alike, who wouldn't have stood a chance against the genuine article. Against Velcro McBean, however, he's certain to romp home at the earliest available opportunity.

Apparently, the public seem to agree, with "most" respondents predicting a Conservative victory at the next election, and 44% believing that Brown-Trousers should step down immediately. That's got to hurt the prideful PM, particularly since only last week he announced his intention to stay in his job - that of party leader, if not of Prime Minister - for a little while yet.

No doubt the Brown-Trousers camp sought to quell damaging speculation about his future with that announcement, but, in light of the poll's findings, it just makes him look out of touch and arrogant - no surprise that almost 50% of respondents see the PM as arrogant, then, is it?

All in all, there's nothing very surprising in the poll's findings; we've got the worst Government in living memory, and Joe Public, having finally spotted the political elephant in the room, has effectively reversed his opinion of the PM from superhero to subzero. It took a while, but New Labour's perpetual con trick has been rumbled, and the chances of them retaining power at the next election - or regaining it shortly thereafter - are vanishingly small.

In fact, the only thing that really interested me was the question about which kind of dog most closely represents each of the party leaders. I've never seen that kind of comparison before, although, for all I know, it might be a very common tool in polling / research. Cameron did well as a Labrador, even Brown-Trousers is semi-credible as a St. Bernard, but Nick Cleggover is, apparently, seen as a cross between a poodle and a chihuahua. Sadly, no mention of Vicious Vince Cable, but I'd have thought he'd merit at least a Jack Russel.

In any event, it looks like the pack has well and truly turned on Gordon Brown-Trousers, and it's only a matter of time before he's out of Number 10 for good. Couldn't happen to a nicer chap!

Billy Seggars.

Is This Your Flying Saucer?

You have to hand it to the Sun, they know how to grab attention. Earlier on, while taking the opportunity to actually sit down and read the papers for the first time this week, I was fascinated to see the headline, "Cops chase a UFO over Cardiff."

I was even more intrigued by the rest of the story, which, complete with excitingly drawn diagrams, breathlessly explains how, "Stunned police gave chase to a UFO after it attacked their helicopter near a military base." Assuming, for the moment, that the story is not a complete fabrication (and how could it be - the Telegraph mentions it too!) I can easily see how Cardiff's finest would be tempted to set off in hot pursuit.

Someone, or something, zooms past a police vehicle at a fair old clip, and instinct cuts in. Whether the plodmobile is a push bike, a panda car or a helicopter, the urge to chase is irresistible - it's a learned reflex, in much the same way that dogs just can't resist chasing sticks. In a way it's quite commendable, and certainly borders on the heroic, even though it's not, perhaps, the smartest thing to do.

I mean, what would they have done if they'd caught up with this mysterious object? Flashed their search lights and ordered it to pull over? "Excuse me, Mr Alien, is this your flying saucer?" And what if the (allegedly) little green occupant had replied, "Yes, Occifer, and this is my ray gun. Allow me to demonstrate..." It's a health and safety nightmare, and I fully expect the constabulary, if not the Government, to issue UFO-chasing guidelines any day now.

But, come to think about it, what would an alien be doing in Cardiff, anyway? It's a pleasant enough place in its own way, and, having spent quite a bit of time there recently, I've developed an almost masochistic fondness for it. But it's hardly going to be top of the must-see list for any planet hopping tourist, is it?

If there really is a grain of truth in the story, I should imagine that the clue lies in the close proximity of the military base. Again, it's hard to imagine any top secret military hardware being developed in or near sunny Cardiff when there must be any number of more secluded, godforsaken locations... no, ok, maybe not. But even so, it's only slightly more plausible than a visiting alien space craft.

So what are the alternatives? Hoax? Maybe. An excuse (such as it is) for three officers taking a police helicopter on a swift jaunt to North Devon? Unlikely. A cover up for something else entirely? Perhaps, but it's a bit paranoid. At the end of the day, I suppose it doesn't really matter - whatever really happened on June 7 in the back of beyond. The story has provided a little light entertainment after a long, busy week. Who could ask for more?

Billy Seggars.